umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
