His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
