You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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