I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
