the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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