Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
