thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think I am morally bankrupt
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
