I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
