you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
