i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
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You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
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He better not be in your backpack
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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