Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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