Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
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My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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