I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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