I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
