Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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