You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
