this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
