i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
