Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Barsexuality is the new black.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
