im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
