She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
