He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
