Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
