watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize