Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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