a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
