He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
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Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
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I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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