he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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