like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
