I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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