So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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