____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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