I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
