READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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