It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
