we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
