Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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