Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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