my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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