so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
His hands were made for my vagina.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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