i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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