Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
