So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
