a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize