Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
