I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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