i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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