he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
