he thought i was a dude.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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