Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
