He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
