Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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