do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
