i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
