I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
