idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
