Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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