: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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