Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Enjoy the penises
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
