I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
