trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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