didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Randomize
